if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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