I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i now understand why vodka
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
