can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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