I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize