I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
