Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
