Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
