I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
