my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
