honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
