I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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