it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
third nipple confirmed
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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