I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
