he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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