he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
