First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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