I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
