The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
