I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
