she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
a search helicopter?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
