I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
