Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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