Kiss
Puke
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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