8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
