Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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