Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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