UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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