He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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