I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
