A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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