I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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