He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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