I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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