this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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