She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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