Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
