didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
