on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize