ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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