So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
