he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So vagazzling was a success
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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