If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
