I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
