I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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