but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
