Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
