Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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