I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
