My cat gives me a boner
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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