i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
