i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
