As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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