so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
