Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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