Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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