my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
