New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
