I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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