i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
be right there i have to get my cape
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
