my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize