So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize