On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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