Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
