hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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