So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
