They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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