Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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