I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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