Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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