I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
