I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize