if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
