i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
