Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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