I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ttyl tear gas
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
