I wish I could teleport
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
