What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize